Thursday, December 20, 2012

When I Asked for Support, This Is Not What I Meant

Mr. Man, my husband, woke up today wanting to support me in my weight loss journey.  Awesome, right?  I was really excited and happy that he wants to do this for me.

Mr. Man started by making some "food" rules for me.  Sweets only with dinner (and he set what would be reasonable).  No overeating.  Only eating when I am hungry. There are more.  If I don't follow his rules then I will be punished with no TV and no sweets for the following day. Some of his rules I definitely agreed with but he couldn't understand when I explained that I am not always sure if I am hungry or not and sometimes I overeat before I even realize that I have overeaten. The consequences are a good idea BUT I feel like he should have let me make the rules that I want to follow.  I wanted to add no eating two hours before bedtime, but he said no.  I argued with him to get him to add it because probably my worst eating habit is midnight snacking.  He usually goes to bed before me and when he does then what do I do?  I watch TV and snack.  Sometimes I pick healthy foods like carrots, but still I am not hungry so why do I eat it?  I explained this to him and he finally added it to my list of rules. I also wanted to add stop eating in front of the TV, but I lost the battle on that one.  How do you guys feel about this?  Is this good support or bad?

Second event... Mr. Man told me that he was going to go take a shower and I was to exercise while he did that.  I balked but agreed.  I asked him to do it with me but he refused. So, I started using a website called The Daily Hiit where you have to watch them explain the exercises first and then you do them.  He came back five minutes later while I was watching the explanation and jumped all over me for sitting on the couch.  "I thought I told you to exercise!" I explained the website to him. He told me that he was going to watch something else on tv while he ate lunch, but I was using the TV to do what he told me to do.  When I complained he said... "I didn't think you were going to actually work out anyway." WHAT??? He gives me orders and then automatically assumed I wasn't ever going to actually do it. When I told him that his assumption hurt my feelings he got mad at me! Can you believe that?  He said I didn't understand so I asked him to explain.  He tried, but I still don't understand which made him more mad.  He said to just forget it and went to the other room and slammed the door.

I have been dealing with depression for the past two days which quickly wears on my husband. I am trying to see the situation from his point of view, but I still don't understand.  A lot of women would have been mad with just the fact that he was being bossy and telling me what to do. I didn't get mad because I figured he is finally trying and these are things I should be doing. But how did this blow up in my face? I have told him numerous times in the past that the best way for him to support me is to make good choices for himself. If he goes to workout then I go with him.  If he doesn't buy junk food (which is bad for him) then it isn't in the house to tempt me. He isn't "fat" so he has a hard time understanding why these healthy habits are necessary for him too.  Why can't he understand that what I am dealing with is not just my problem.  He is my husband so this is our problem.

Can anyone relate to this?  If anyone has conquered these types of issues then I would really love to hear how.

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